Ain't Life Grand

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ..."
Ephesians 1:3

Life, as a married woman, has been one huge roller coaster of fun.  Okay, so we've had to learn more about each others' communication skills through trial and error, but hey - what does one expect after living on one's own for 25 and 30 years?!?!

We have now officially passed the 1-month anniversary and are loving every minute of togetherness.  Nobody told me it would be this exquisite, this sweet. 

Something else nobody told me was how busy busy busy busy married women are!!  Foolish me thought that that busy-ness would come with children...WRONG.  I find myself with hardly enough hours in the day to keep up with little things that need doing.  Such as washing dishes (no dishwasher, but I'm not complaining), cleaning house, making meals, obtaining a new driver's license, helping grow our computer business, making our house a home instead of a camping cabin (!), and of course, spending time with my husband. In fact, it seems nothing else gets done because we want to spend all our time with each other!  Ah well.....

For those of you who don't have facebook, here are a few pictures from the wedding (April 28th).  My dear friend, Kristin Alexander of Daughter of Him Photography did an *excellent* job and I highly recommend her for any of your special events. (They are not in order, as you will soon discover...)

Mother putting on my veil (which she wore on her wedding day to Daddy 26 years ago).

 A beautiful end-of-April afternoon with Texas pecan trees overhead

Faith and Melody initiated the procession to make their way to the piano.  Faith played a beautiful song she worte, "Summer Waltz," while the flower girls walked down, and Melody played "Take My Life and Let It Be" as I walked down.

Faith putting my hair in curlers

Drinking some North Carolinian-yummy "Cheerwine Punch"

The flower girls: my sister, Abigail (13), friends Ashlyn A. (6) and Anna H. (1)

My handsome groom and the preacher waiting for my arrival :-)

My husband and I with my family (L to R: Johnny-18, James-16, Aaron-30, Joshua-10, Abigail-13, Stephen, Christina, Daddy, Mother, Faith-20, Melody-22)

Us getting showered (literally!) with birdseed!

 

This beautiful cake was given to us by the Pastor and his wife (whom I had the pleasure of working alongside at the local pregnancy center)

 The girls trying to make me act silly on my wedding day... :-)

Our rings.  My engagement ring (on top) is a vintage ring, probably circa 1940s, I'm guessing.  It's design, though, is quite Victorian (my Man knows me!!)

My dress, evidently home-made from about the 1930s.  My sister and I found it at a thrift store in a very small Colorado town about 9 years ago.  We instantly fell in love with it, scraped our money together and bought it for $12.  It served it's purpose extremely well!

To God be the glory; great things He hath done!

My Portion

Several things in my life right now have caused me to wonder, where am I going?  Am I really doing what God wants me to do?  Have I been living my life for Him?

Today's devotion (in Daily Strength for Daily Needs by Mary W. Tileston) did so much to calm my fears.  It's funny how the Lord knows exactly what encouragement I need for that particular day.

"If we are really, and always, and equally ready to do whatsoever the King appoints, all the trials and vexations arising from any change in His appointments, great or small, simply do not exist.  If He appoints me to work there, shall I lament that I am not to work here?  If He appoints me to wait indoors today, am I to be annoyed because I am not to work out-of-doors?  If I meant to write His messages this morning, shall I grumble because He sends interrupting visitors, rich or poor, to whom I am to speak, or 'show kindness' for His sake, or at least obey His command, 'Be courteous'?  If all my members are really at His disposal, why should I be put out if today's appointment is some simple work for my hands or errands for my feet, instead of some seemingly more important doing of head or tongue?"

-F. R. Havergal

How easy it is to forget that He gives us one day at a time!  Just one day.... it is up to me how I will spend it.

"I love to think that God appoints

my portion day by day;

events of life are in His hand,

and I would only say,

Appoint them in Thine own good time,

and in Thine own best way."

-Anna L. Waring

A New Year's Quiz...

Here's something fun I found on a friend's blog.  Enjoy!


1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Ride the big swings at Silver Dollar City. :-)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Yes, I think I can safely say I did keep my resolutions and yes, I will definitely make more for this coming year...



3. Did anyone close to you give birth or get pregnant?
Yes, two of my friends had their first babies!

4. Did anyone close to you get married?
No.


5. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes; he wasn't really close, but he was a dear family friend whom we met while ministering at the nursing home.


6. Travel?
Oh, yes.  We went to Missouri twice (first in May, then in August), Kansas and Colorado.


7. Did you move anywhere?
Nope!


8. What was the best month?
June because that's when we went to KS and CO and I love traveling... :-)


9. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

More wisdom and maturity in the Lord. 

10. What date(s) from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 16th - when my aunt chose to forsake the world.  Some others, but those are for another place and time. :-)


11. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Being able to see my own clients as a peer counselor at our local pregnancy center.


12. What was your biggest failure?
Giving in to my awkward shyness...


13. Did you suffer illness or injury?
 The normal coughs and colds...

14. What was the best thing you bought?
My first car!


15. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Too many to count!


16. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?
I don't know...


17. Where did most of your money go?
A car and Christmas gifts


18. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Traveling out of state; solidifying friendships :-)

19. What song will always remind you of 2011?
 "The Blackness of the Need" by Ron Block


20. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier
ii. thinner or fatter? umm... I don't know
iii. richer or poorer? richer

21. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Enjoy the outdoors


22. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Computer time

23. How did you be spend New Year’s Eve/Day?

Stayed up late playing cards and billiards, then helped put out a small fire in the neighborhood

24. What was an unexpected surprise?
A great-paying, full-time job

25. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes, with my Heavenly Father


26. What was the best concert you’ve been to this year?

Russel Moore & IIIrd Tyme Out, The Whites, Michael Cleveland & Flamekeeper - all in one setting!


27. What was your favorite TV program?

Dragnet, as always

28. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn’t dislike this time last year?
I'm not sure


29. What was the best book you read?
HEAL by Ally Marie Smith and Paperdoll by Natalie Lloyd



30. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Another "Sierra" album, Ron Block's second solo CD "Doorway" and some great classical pieces


31. What did you want and get?
A car, journals, a job, close friends, time with family

32. What did you want and not get?
I'd rather not say


33. What was your favorite film of this year?

"Courageous"!! And "180" for sure.

34. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked 12 hours, let myself have some coffee and turned 25.  Yikes!


35. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Nothing - I'd take whatever God gives me.


36. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Umm.... rather 'freeing' I guess; I discovered what actually looks good on me!

37. What kept you sane?

The Lord and my wonderful family.


38. What political issue stirred you the most?

Abortion.

39. Who did you miss?
My older brother.


40. Who was the best new person you met?
Those we minister to in music.


41. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:

Trust, trust, trust.  Completely.  Wholly.  Unreservedly.  Absolutely.

42. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

 "This is my story, this is my song.
Praising my Saviour all the day long! 
"This is my story, this is my song.
Praising my Saviour all the day long!"
 
-Fanny Crosby

Sleep Tight 2011!

Photo used with permission from www.milliande-printables.com

As with each passing year, we all love to reflect on what the Lord did for us, brought us through, and taught us.  We like to see what was done from one year to the next, what was and what wasn't, what did and what didn't.  It's always amazing to me to watch the seasons change.... the Lord has given us such an exciting gift in the four different seasons and the change of colors.

 The year began with high hopes as I anticipated going through a free Nurse Aide class at a local nursing home.  When my hopes were dashed, I was forced to rely upon the Lord and His goodness; His perfect will in every situation is not always evident, but I believe He was teaching me patience -- big time!  After several deep breaths, I resolved to wait on the Lord to open doors for the next step in my life. It felt like I was not using my time wisely, when in fact the Lord was teaching me what "longsuffering" meant in Colossians 1:11.

In March, I was blessed to find a part-time job taking care of a 2 year old little boy whose family has since become dear friends of mine.

In April we celebrated my parents' 25th wedding anniversary with a party of family and old friends... it was such a joy sharing what the Lord had done in their lives with those we don't get to see very often throughout the year.  We were blessed to be able to reunite with my dad's uncle whom we hadn't seen in many, many years.

At the end of May we anticipated our second trip to Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missouri.  Those of us who were under a certain age (and therefore still referred to as "youth" :-) along with our parents participated in the Annual KSMU Youth in Bluegrass Competition.  Even though we didn't place in the top ten (there's some pretty good family bands out there!), it was double the fun since our Memaw could come along with us!  We met families from last year's competition, enjoyed riding the City's train again, walking under cooling spritzers, and riding scary and strange rides!

In mid-June, Faith (19) joined the ranks of high-school grads of the home!  That brought the grand total to 4, with 4 left to go. :-)

Towards the end of June, we headed out of town again; this time, heading through Wichita, Kansas and on to Calhan, Colorado.  Even though the Kansas heat was just as bad as Texas, it was a breath of fresh air -- literally! -- to be able to spend half a week just east of Colorado Springs; we were blessed to be able to explore a small portion of Mount Evans along with fishing and hiking.

Meanwhile, in July I celebrated my one-year anniversary with our local Pregnancy Center in Sherman!  It was such a blessing to volunteer there until October, when I took a full-time job and had to stop until, Lord-willing, this coming month.  I am looking forward to returning to my once a week volunteer work there, and pray that the Lord can still use me.

September brought us two bluegrass festivals to perform at, blessing us with new and old friends and experiencing the Spirit of the Lord in the most unimaginable places!  We traveled up to the Arbuckle Mountains of Southern Oklahoma and also to the Fort Worth area.

In October, we were able to attend the 2nd Annual Bloomin' Bluegrass Festival where we met and mingled with The Whites, listened front row to The Seldom Scene, Russel Moore & IIIrd Tyme Out, Special Consensus, among others.  It was such a blessing to spend the weekend with good friends, too.

Also in October, the Lord saw fit to give me a full-time job as a nanny for a 3 year old...something I'd been praying for, of course, for quite some time.  Although I knew the hours would be something I would have to get used to (anywhere from 9a to 9p), I had prayed for the job and couldn't refuse.  However, after 6 weeks, prayer and wise counsel from those who know me best, :-) I put in my notice.  It was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do but I am confident of the Lord's direction in this. 

Early in November, I turned a whopping 25 years old.  Do I feel any older? No.  Any wiser? Not really!  I keep having to remind myself and hopefully, 'act' dignified and refined like a 25 year old woman is supposed to.... :-)

We had a very blessed Thanksgiving, celebrating the day with my beloved aunt whom we had not been able to visit for two years.  It was such a wonderful time of celebrating the goodness of God, along with sharing His bounty with those we love and care for the most!

Christmas seemed to have come and gone in the blink of an eye, but it was an exciting time of secretly shopping, wrapping, cleaning and baking goodies for friends and neighbors.  Oh, and of course, listening to the classic sounds of Christmas to get one into the cheeriness of Christmas!

As the New Year is fast upon us, it is exciting to me to see what the Lord has in store for us as a family and for each of us individually.  There is no reason whatsoever to fear, worry, wonder or fret...if I just keep my eyes upon Him, I can experience the utmost peace that passes all understanding.  By His leading, I am looking forward to getting my shots and then going through Nurse Aide training at our local community college (let's try this one more time!).

May God's will be done in everything I do and everything I say!

The Greatest Gift of All

"Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift."
2 Corinthians 9:15

O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.

O come, O come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height
In ancient times once gave the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.

O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,
An ensign of Thy people be;
Before Thee rulers silent fall;
All peoples on Thy mercy call.

O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.

"Words: Com­bined from var­i­ous an­ti­phons by an un­known au­thor, pos­si­bly in the 12th Cen­tu­ry (Ve­ni, ve­ni Eman­u­el); trans­lat­ed from Latin to Eng­lish by John M. Neale, Med­iae­val Hymns, 1851.  Neale’s orig­in­al trans­l­a­tion be­gan, “Draw nigh, draw nigh, Em­man­u­el.”

Music: from a 15th Cen­tu­ry pro­cess­ion­al of French Fran­cis­can nuns (the set­ting for the fu­ner­al hymn Libera me); ar­ranged by Thomas Helmore in the Hymn­al Not­ed, Part II (Lon­don: 1856)"

Taken from www.CyberHymnal.org

Thankfulness

God has blessed us so much.  He is why we breathe, why we live where we do, why we have the things we have.

It’s not a common statement to say that God has blessed us.  He has abundantly blessed us.  Sure, there were times when I wondered why He didn’t say yes or work a miracle, but that doesn’t mean I went without His blessing sometimes.

He is always there for me.

No matter what I do, what I say, where I go, or where I am, He is there.  It’s just hard to remember that sometimes because He is invisible to us.  But imagine the great comfort, the wonderful communion that is ready and waiting for us if we just remember that He’s always near!

When I am feeling down, He lifts me up.
When I am feeling sick, He comforts me.
When I am feeling sad, He lets me know everything’s okay.
When I am feeling nervous, He calms me.
When I am feeling upset, He understands me.
When I am feeling forgetful, He reminds me.

He reminds me.
 
What He did for me on that cross those 2,000 years ago was something simply amazing to me.  The mere fact that He chose to bleed and die for MY sins is astounding to think about.  Yet, with all my life’s complications and joys, I somehow seem to forget Him and His merciful kindness.  Then, in the stillness of the night or even in the hustle and bustle of a large family, He reminds me in a beautiful whisper what He did for little ole’ me.

My heart melts at the remembrance of it.  Every atom in me wants to please Him to the utmost.  I want to give myself wholly and completely to Him.

Thanking my Redeemer.
 
I count it a real privilege to thank Him daily for what He did for me.  Do you realize the depth of it?  He suffered and died so that I – of all people! – would not have to suffer in Hell forever.  Can you believe a love like that?

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”* 

Let us never forget to thank Him in return.  It is the least we can do.

*John 15:13

And Yet Another Page...

{This lllllllloooooooonnnnnnnngggggggg post is written in honor of my first-year anniversary blogging!}

It all started back in December 2009.  We had been invited to perform a Christmas program for a local church and the pastor's wife was a staff nurse for our local Pregnancy Care Center.  How the Lord works in mysterious ways!

Not four months before, No Great Joy Ministries had just released a new book for unmarried women called Preparing To Be A Help Meet.  I had been radically convicted to get a move on in my life and start DOING for my Lord, instead of thinking that I was serving the Lord completely by staying home doing laundry.

Let me explain.

Doing laundry for a family of 9 is certainly a work for the Lord.  In fact, 1 Corinthians 15:58 states that our "labour is not in vain in the Lord."  But as a single girl with no family of my own, I must look to the things of the Lord.

"There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband."*

The Lord had placed an interest to minister to other young women in my heart long ago, but I didn't quite know how to go about it.  I felt burdened to help girls realize that there was One man Who would love them like none other.  It grieved me to see that so many of these girls were 'losing their way' and didn't know where else to turn, except to their boyfriends or drugs or alcohol.

When we met that pastor's wife and she began sharing her role at the Center, I felt that God was opening a door.  She told us about their volunteer counselors and about the great ministry going on there.  God was truly working!

The Lord didn't make a way for me to start volunteering until several months later in July 2010.  By this time, I was sure that God wanted me to make it a point to go there and do His work.  He had brought several friends into my path who encouraged me to go through the training to become a peer-counselor for the Center (knowing nothing of my long-time interest in doing that very thing!) saying that I'd make a great counselor.

In September of that same year, I was praying like mad.  I had also felt the burden to return to India, too, but also had a heart for the girls of my own country.  Which did He want me to do?

In the meantime, I learned about the counselor training.  The costs, the times, the classes.  When I discovered it would cost me $30, my heart sank.  I didn't have the money and if I wanted to sign up, I'd have to come up with the money pretty quickly.

A week before the training was to begin, however, one of the ladies came and told me that they had one scholarship left if I wanted to take it.

I almost melted into one emotional heap!  It was clear to everybody that God wanted me to go through the training.  So clear, that it was as if He told me face-to-face.

India?  That would have to wait.  Maybe for months, maybe for years, maybe even for decades. 

 Flip the pages to a year and a half later.  Per the wisdom invested in my dear parents by God Himself,I was encouraged to pray about getting a job and balance the time I volunteered myself with the time I earned money to serve God through various means.

I agreed to pray, but wondered what in the world the Lord would have for me.  I'd been working once a week babysitting for a friend but it was far from sufficient.  Yet, I thanked God for His constant provision -- even in the little things.

It's funny how we can get so caught up in 'searching' when He is there all along.  He never leaves me, He never abandons me.  He's always there.  Always.

I had advertised myself as a nanny on two different web sites.  I had a couple interviews, but they fell through and I began asking God that famous one-word question: why?

God's plan for my individual is so much bigger than I can see!  Why do I ever doubt Him and His capabilities?

I found an ad on one of the websites seeking a full-time nanny for her 3 year old boy.  It was one of about ten dozen ads I'd answered and I was growing weary.  Surprisingly, the person had listed two phone numbers and instead of applying by email, I called her.  And surprisingly, she answered.  She told me she would call me the following Monday to set up an interview, as she was very interested.

Monday came and went without a phone call from her.  I told the Lord that I would sit tight and just give it all up to Him... I'd do whatever He wanted me to do.  Three days later, she asked to meet me at a local Starbucks. And the rest is history -- HIS-Story.

But it doesn't end there.  I was scheduled to start that following Monday, but we only had two family vehicles to work with.  Daddy had to work, and my sister had to work, too!  But in my heart, I just knew that God had something else up His sleeve... if He had provided so amazingly thus far, I was convinced by now that He wouldn't stop blessing me.

Over the weekend, we were invited to clean out a house going to be foreclosed.  The friend who invited us, in a random way, asked if we needed some vehicles.  She went on to say that her son had two vehicles for sale.  We called and talked to him and went to look at them the following day.  Right away, we girls were impressed with the great price and how well they worked despite their looks!  By Monday morning, we girls went to the bank and filed for our first loan.  (But that's a totally different story...)  We were working against time because I was needing to leave for work very, very soon.

But just as we climbed into the car on our way to go pick up the two 'new' vehicles in the last 20 minutes of my time, my new employer called and told me to come an hour later than planned.

Tears formed in my eyes.  My Lord God had blessed me again.

And that brings me back to my work at the Pregnancy Center.  My new schedule allowed only two hours to volunteer when I had been accustomed to 8 hours.  I knew that something had to change.  I longed to continue volunteering, but it was clear to me that God had other plans.

It was time to turn another page in my life.  The Lord had used me and now it was time to move on.  Move on to a woman and her three year old who are starving for God's truth.

May He use me completely.

I know I should never be surprised at what He can do, but I am continually amazed...

He 
     never 
              fails. 


Forever His,
Christy

*1 Corinthians 7:34

Your First Lover

I found these encouraging words from a 30-year-old unmarried woman.  God be forever praised.

"As I have waited for my prince I have grown into a woman who is yes, far from perfect, but who is greatly more prepared now to be the wife Jesus designed me to be when He does bring my prince along.
I encourage you to go deeper with Jesus, to fall so in love with your God, the Author of your life, your Best Friend, your Savior, that your heart, your thoughts are consumed with Him.
Let Him, as Stephen Curtis Chapman sings about, be your 'great obsession.'"

-Taken from Watching For the Morning magazine by
Candace Davidson
P.O Box 842
Big Stone Gap, VA 24219

Contentment...

"But godliness with contentment is great gain."

1 Timothy 6:6

Did you know that the word 'contentment' only appears once in the entire King James Bible?  It's amazing to me that God chose for it to appear right here, speaking of contentment with godliness.

I don't know about you, but I certainly have been discontent a lot.  And yet, what a cantankerous sore it is to the Christian life!  If we let it, it can eat at the soul terribly, leaving you feel guilty, ashamed and somewhat smarter than you were -- or so you hope to be.

I can be discontent over countless things.  Weather, how the day went, I don't have this, I don't have that, I can't do this, I can't do that... you name it, and I've been discontent about it.

Yet, what right do I have in being so?  Didn't Christ give up His very life for my sake?  And now I'm complaining?  Why is it so hard to just rest, be still, and be content?

I believe one of -- if not THE -- most important reasons Christ gave Himself for us, is because we need Him.  We just need Him.  We *are* like sheep gone astray... in more ways than one.

Paul said in Philippians 4:11,

"For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."

This was a guy who'd been beaten, robbed, whipped, shipwrecked, suffered hunger, thirst, etc.*  And yet, he says that he learned to be content in whatever state he was.  Wherever he was, whatever he was doing, whatever God had him doing -- he was content.

I have found several practical things I may do to curb my often desire to be discontent.  These are:

• Study the Word of God:
  
  • Do a word study on the words content and discontent using your Bible, a dictionary and a concordance.  Then, make it a real habit -- like brushing your teeth everyday! -- to read Scripture every day.  I suggest the morning time, as your mind is fresh and impressionable.  Seek the Lord to show you what He wants you to study, and He will.  He will direct you.
• Kneel in Prayer:
  
  • Actually kneeling to pray does something.  It makes you feel like you're actually in the Holy Presence of God.  While kneeling, pour out your heart before Him.*  Give up any and all clutches you hold so dear to your heart. 
• Don't Think:
  
  • It's sounds funny, but don't think about the 'what-ifs' of life.  Satan just loves to put thoughts into our heads that feel so good to think about, but when he does, be ready to recognize that it is not a godly thought and then immediately hand it over to the Lord.   
• Relish in His Peace:
  The Bible says that "The peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."*  When we give up everything to the Lord, He gives us a peace that is almost overwhelming!  Why worry when we have the God of the Universe looking out to our best interests??
• Trust in the Lord, Delight Yourself in the Lord, Commit Your Way, Rest in the Lord:
  
  • "Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.   Delight thyself also in the LORD; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.   Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.    And He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.   Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him..."*

   
  Committing my way,
  Christy-Anna
  
  *2 Corinthians 11:23-27
  *Philippians 4:7
  *Psalm 62:8
  *Psalm 37:3-7
  

Turning the Page

Life has turned another page for me.  I have begun to see things in a totally different light than I was used to.  It started several months ago and has been nothing but a joy ride ever since.

I am not my own.

Instead of comparing myself and my body to others, I am learning that it isn't about what I or anybody else looks like on the outside; it's what is on the inside that is truly very important.

Some of you may be surprised at what you're about to read (that is, if you continue to read on) but it's my life story and it's what God has miraculously done in my life.  I have been living a life that felt like an empty shell.  A casing around what I really yearned for: fulfillment, love, and admiration.

Sure, I grew up in a Christian home with Christian values.  I really thought I received Christ as my personal Savior when I was just 4 years old.  I remember the time and the place very well.  But it never really 'clicked' with me, I guess.  I thought that if I just said enough repentance prayers and did my best to be 'good,' God might let me into heaven when I died.  In a way, I was positively sure that I would go to heaven, but on the other hand, I wasn't.  I was fearful of losing my salvation, if I really was saved.

But you know what?  We cannot possibly do anything good to attain salvation... God thinks of our righteousness as filthy rags*!  How far will that get me?

As a child, I was constantly poked fun about my weight problem.  We didn't know it at the time, but our unhealthy eating caused me to go through puberty at a much earlier age than normal.  I became obese, but thought that it was a hereditary problem.  Throughout my teen years and into adulthood, I thought that true happiness lay in a skinny body and therefore pleasing those who had talked down to me.  So, I began dieting and exercising.

I became obsessed with losing weight.

Then I began learning about the very great danger of becoming obsessed with our bodies.  God was not pleased in the least if I cared more about my body and my looks than I did about serving and loving Him.  But I didn't think so.  I decided that I certainly wasn't obsessed because we are to take care of the temples (bodies) God has given us,* right?

Wrong.

Little did I know that I was obsessed... I was too blinded by Satan's lies to realize it.  If my family commented about certain clothing that just 'didn't look right' on me, I became very defensive and thought that it didn't look good because I needed to lose weight.  I also believed the lie that I couldn't get married because guys thought I was too ugly and fat.

Because of these lies, I was afraid of forming relationships with friends -- afraid of just saying 'hi' to anybody.  I really believed that nobody liked me, so I might as well be locked up in a closet.  But I was so good at hiding my inner self.  I was ashamed of myself.

Then about six months ago, I began to evaluate these lies I had lived with most of my teen and adult years.  I began to seek the Truth from God Himself.  The more I studied, the more I realized that God doesn't care two sticks about how skinny or fat I am!  Wow!  What a great truth!

And to top it all off, Christ died for my sins.  He gave Himself for me.  Me, who felt ugly and depressed and dead inside.

That was reason enough to break out of my shell and shout for joy.  Literally.

No, the lies and temptations have not vanished.  I am still tempted to really restrict myself and lose a ton of weight.  I'm still tempted to sink back into my old depression and become a recluse, but it's not about me any more.  Sure, I make sure that I take care of my body and eat with the mindset that I eat for His glory and not my own, but I am very careful about dieting and exercising.  It is so very easy to slip back into the pack of lies that say, "You really need to lose weight.  Look at so-and-so; they are respected more than you because they are not overweight."

It is then that I must make a conscious effort, stop and pray, "Lord, what is Your truth?  I am Your handmaiden.  Do with me as You will."

It is amazing how powerful the mere act of calling on the Name of Jesus is!

I have Someone to live for because He lives for me.  I have Someone to continually serve, because He continually serves me.  I have Someone to share with others, because He laid down His life for me.

May He continue to mold me and make me after His will.  You, too!

*Isaiah 64:6
*1 Corinthians 3:16

Some Much-Needed Encouragement

I really needed to hear this... enjoy and let me know what you thought of it.

"A woman who has truly denied herself, taken up her cross, and become entirely consumed with Jesus Christ is not going to be insecure, starving herself and obsessed with making herself look more attractive.  Rather, she's so enraptured with Jesus Christ that she's completely lost sight of herself...

A woman who has yielded her selfish agenda to the Spirit of Jesus Christ, who does not listen to the voice of her self but yields only to the voice of her King, is not going to become a sex object, throwing herself at guy after guy in desperation.  Her security comes from a completely different source.  She doesn't derive her value from the attention of guys.  Her value comes from knowing she has been redeemed and loved by the King of all kings.  Her focus is on His desires, not on her own selfish wants."

Taken from The Lost Art of True Beauty by Leslie Ludy - emphasis is mine.

Face to Face

When the Lord directed me to go through training to become a counselor at our local pregnancy center, I don't think I knew the depth of that task.  Several months later, when I began sitting in on counseling sessions to learn how to speak with these girls in crisis situations, I worried about what I had gotten myself into.

What I had gotten myself into?  I'm sorry, but that was actually God's doing.

In my mind, I would be in India now living a dream as a godly missionary.  Yet in God's mind, I was here at home serving my family and those girls (some my own age, some much younger than I) at the pregnancy center.

This last week topped it all off.  Now, it was my turn to go in and do the talking with someone watching me.  I kind of freaked out.  I mean, I wasn't sure I was ready for it but the ladies there at the center seemed to think I was.  I quickly texted my family for prayers, sending up some of my own and braced myself.  How would they respond?  What would my answers be?  How could I gain their trust in so little time?  If their pregnancy test was negative, how would I talk to them about abstinence?

"...Take ye no thought how or what thing ye shall answer, or what ye shall say: for the Holy Ghost shall teach you in the same hour what ye ought to say."

The passage in Luke 12 came back to my mind and I took a deep breath.  Jesus Himself was telling me that I shouldn't worry about these things.  In the same hour, the very same moment that I would open my mouth to say something, the Holy Ghost would teach me what I should say.  How amazing is that?!

I would be face to face with women of the world (a life I had little understanding of) and perhaps be sharing the gospel with them -- face to face, up front and personal.  And yet the Lord was encouraging me not to think of what I should say or answer them... He would fill my mouth with His words.

The counseling session went quite smoothly, despite my doubts.  He always does that, doesn't He?  I went in with a smile on my face and greeted the woman by her name.  Before she left, she filled out a small questionairre about my sensitivity to her situation, and I got high marks on all.

But it wasn't me.  It was the Holy Ghost using me.  What a precious place to be.

Should I Move Out?

In this past year alone, I have thought more than once that moving out of my parents' home was an option.  After all, I was an adult and even though I'm unmarried, I would much rather live away from all the problems I seem to encounter.

But as I worked through the problems one by one with my dear parents, the Lord showed me a parallel pattern with marriage.  It is not uncommon these days to see many couples divorce after years of marriage or even a few months.  Did the wife come up against a problem with her man and decide that he could not change so she must leave?  Did the husband not get the honor he deserves and decide to end the agony in his heart by ending his union?  In the same way, I was coming up against a problem and deciding that it was too much to handle; so I should just move out or, in all reality, run away from it.

But is that really the godly thing to do?  God's Word teaches us to persevere, no matter what the cost.  He never said, "If you don't think you can do it, just don't do it."  He did, however, teach us that we cannot possibly fix the problem all on our own.  That's why we have Him!

Lately I have noticed how some of the conservative Christian families are reverting to the modern way of doing things.  Young people - regardless of their convictions or marital status - should get out and become their own person.  They are encouraged to get their own place and maybe even start dating... it is as if their parents are afraid of being accused as being patriarchal or matriarchal.  Of course, the newfangled Patriarchal movement has so many twisted views and doctrines that I definitely do not agree with.

Although the idea of staying home under your parents' roof may sound old-fashioned, it is Biblical.  I realize that there are any number of situations where a girl would be forced to leave her family home.  But if at all possible - don't run away from your troubles.  Take them and run to the Father and ask Him what to do.

I am definitely an independent woman, yet I live with my parents and six siblings.  I seek my parents' advice, but it is I who must make the final decision.  We talk openly together about anything and everything; they are my best friends.  They know me better than anyone else and I truly desire to honor them as my God-given authority for now.  Just as Esther sought the advice of Mordecai, so I desire to seek my parents' advice and any other older, wiser mentors God puts in my path.

Staying Focused

So many things in this world are screaming us this way or that.  Facebook, Twitter, blogs, hotspots, laptops, emails, iPods, ear "buds", texting, cellphones, and the list of new technology goes on and on.

I am convinced that these new things were put in our way for a reason.  After refusing to get onto the Facebook boat, I finally consented to get myself an account when several of my friends began marrying and moving away.  I also use it for promoting this blog and notifying my 'friends' of special political updates.

I will gladly use new technology to further God's Kingdom, but nothing more.  If I get to the point where I am constantly going to www.facebook.com and signing in for the purpose of finding out who 'likes' my status or commented on something funny I said, then I pray to God that He will make me so busy I can't even find a moment to type in www....

I love everything old-fashioned.  I love the art of writing letters that make words, and words that make articles and articles that make novels, etc.  I just do!  But forms of new technology are wiping out letter-writing and even electronic mail (e-mail)!  How scary is that?  I hope that I may continue to write letters to my pen-friends... there is something more special, more meaningful in a letter.  I know that when I receive one, I feel important.  I feel thought of.  Someone actually took time out of their busy lives to jot me a note and ask how I was doing.

I like the photo above because it depicts a young woman in a serene, beautiful garden.  She is taking the time to enjoy such beauty while at the same time, perhaps, she is engulfing herself in the Word of God.

I pray that we may reach thousands upon thousands through Facebook and Twitter.... but in the meantime, I pray that we remain focused on the one true goal in life: to bring glory and honor to His Name -- not our own.

When Disappointment Slaps You in the Face

The Lord has been leading me of late to get a job and, at the same time, learn a vocation.

After praying and thinking about going into the medical field since I was a child, the Lord opened the door for me to attend a class to become a nurse's aide.  The free class would last for three weeks and then I would be obligated to work at the nursing home for up to six months, depending on State Exam dates.

Two months passed before I made the decision, with the Lord's guidance, to submit an application.  At last, just after the New Year, I was called in for an interview.  The lady educated me on the ins and outs of the profession, ending the interview with a tentative class start date.  I was so excited to actually be given such a great opportunity!  I even started looking at scrubs to wear to work.

Then it happened.  From out of nowhere, the open door slammed shut in my face.  She called and said that I had not "made" the class... there was an overflow of applicants.

What??  How could this be?  I felt like crumbling to the ground and crying my fill.  But the Lord gently reminded me, "All things work together for good to them that love God..."*

I questioned the decisions I had made; was I right, after all, to submit that application?  Was I right in refusing a good nanny job?

But then, as I prayed and prayed about it, and spoke with my mom about the difficulty of it, I recalled to mind how God had certainly led me.  It was not *I* who really wanted to be a CNA -- God Himself had laid the desire on my heart and took me through the necessary steps to accomplish it.

He could certainly turn things around, if need be.  I am confident that He will open another door for me... and yes, I am sure I will one day become a CNA, but for now?  I'm just waiting on Him to beckon me here or there.

He is my Guide forever.

*Romans 8:28

Celebrating Christ's Birth!

 

Merry Christmas to all from:

(L to R) Abigail (12), John W. (17), Faith (18), Dad, Mom, 

Joshi (9), James (15), Melody (21) and Christy (24)

It is so easy to get caught up in the to-do lists of this season.  I know I am certainly not exempt.  Why can't we get things done in a timely manner?  Why must it always end in overwhelming cries for help?

The Lord tenderly reminded me what it is all about.  As I questioned why we cared to make goodies for our six neighbors, and even our small Fire and Police departments, He so gently reminded me that 

"Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these 

my brethren, ye have done it unto Me."*

I pondered what this meant.  Was all this going here and there, last minute shopping, caring for a sick daddy, and baking all day long really being done for the Lord?  I was filled with renewed energy as I thought on all that I had done and all that still needed to be done... it was all for Him.  Every little thing I did, including making cookies for our neighbors, was for Him.  And why did we put ourselves through such uncomfortable to-do lists once a year?  Why did we bother?

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given: and the government shall be upon His shoulder: and His Name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."*

That is why!  Because a child - God's only Son - came to save a dying, dark world.  The least I could do for Him was to do what needed to be done... not for my gain or even my family's gain; but to bring honor and glory to Him and His Name... His Wonderful Name. 

*Matthew 25:40; Isaiah 9:6

Sarah

Yesterday, as we were visiting after singing at a small country church, one of our friends there informed us of another family band's daughter's death.  We had just met the family this past March and got to talking with the daughter about writing.

To learn that she had been in a head-on collision which had ended in death for her, stunned me.  I spent the next few hours in a confused daze, wondering why the Lord had allowed it to happen.  She was the family's business manager, just like me.  She probably had so many plans for her life, and yet, now they were all for nothing.

Then my thoughts turned to my own life.  What if I got in a deadly car accident tomorrow and died?  Would all those plans and dreams that I have for my life mean anything anymore?

I sat there in silent communion with the Lord.  Why was I so shaken by this woman's death, when I hardly knew her?  It was then that the Lord reminded me of the passage in James chapter 4:

"Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that. But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil."

Just two days before I heard of this, I had prayed and asked the Lord to give me trials to go through in order to strengthen me and make me a better woman for Him.  Little did I know what I was asking for.

I know that Sarah is in a much better place than here on earth.  It is selfish of me to miss her, but I do.  I am learning, day by day, how fragile and how short life is.  Yet, it is not my life... it is His.

I resolved to not be so sure of myself in the future.  If it is His will that I go to nursing school, then I will go.  But if I die tomorrow, then I will live forever in eternity just praising and glorifying Him.  What else could be so fulfilling?

You Wouldn't Know Me...

Thanksgiving Day is always special at our house.  Family gatherings have always been special times!  But we are careful to remember that Thanksgiving Day is not just one day out of the year... it lasts the whole year 'round, and continues for ever.

It is so hard to remember to be content all the time - at least, for me it is.  Sometimes I feel quite content and thankful for all that the Lord has given me or brought my way.  Yet, other times, I question His bounty or where He has placed me in life.

Why?

Satan desires to attack in the most sly, seductive ways imaginable (and unimaginable).  He loves to see if I will still be thankful to the Lord, or if I will believe what he tells me is certainly not true.

For example, why am I not married yet?

Satan gives me a whole list of things that is 'wrong' with me, or that I should do to 'get noticed.'  (Mind you, some of those things to 'get noticed' are fine, as long as they are appropriate. :-D)

But what does the Lord say to that restless question of mine?  He simply reminds me of His truth.  This morning, I began feeling quite unhappy and was eager to read through my Bible and devotional because I knew God would use them both to reassure and uplift me.  The words of Fenelon for today just happened to say:

"The best place is wherever He puts us, and any other would be undesirable, all the worse because it would please our fancy and be of our own choice.  Do not think about distant events.  This uneasiness about the future is unwholesome for you.  We must leave to God all that depends on Him, and think only of being faithful in all that depends upon ourselves.  When God takes away that which He has given you, He knows well how to replace it, either through other means or by Himself."

Some of you might think, "Well, duh!"  But it does indeed happen to all of us, doesn't it?  I believe that being content and being thankful go hand-in-hand.  1 Timothy 6:6 states,

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." 

"Because that, when they knew God, they glorified Him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened."*

I certainly don't want to know God, and yet not glorify Him as He surely deserves.  How can I not be thankful toward Him after all that He did for me those many years ago?  I don't want to become proud in imagining things that are not my lot in life (as of yet, God-willing) and may prove to be just wasting my time.  

I must also be thankful for the bad times, too.  There are numerous references in the Psalms when David was feeling quite low and hard times were upon him.  He questioned the Lord as to why those things were happening to him, but he always said he would rejoice and be grateful to the Lord.  One example of this is found in Psalm 13:

"How long wilt Thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt Thou hide Thy face from me?...But I have trusted in Thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Thy salvation.  I will sing unto the LORD, because He hath dealt bountifully with me."*

There is a poem which the Lord gave me during the time that I was graduating from homeschool, wondering what life held for me next.  It is a wonderful encouragement each time I feel like rolling in self-pity.  I pray that it is a blessing to you, too (it is long, but so worth it!):

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate,

and the Master Who gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait?  You say, wait!?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened?  Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your word.
My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking!  I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
and grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting... for what?"

He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine.
He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause the mountains to run.
All you seek I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
you'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust by knowing I'm there;
you'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence were all you could see.
You'd never experience that fullness of love
as the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
you'd know that I live and I save... (for a start),
but you'd not know the depth of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that beyond getting just what you asked
of an infinite God, Who makes what you have LAST.
You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
but, oh, the loss! - if I lost what I'm doing in you!
Be silent, My child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, 'WAIT.'"*

*Romans 1:21; Psalm 13:1, 5 & 6; by Russell Kelfer, 1933-2000.